Sorry

Sorry, I've been pretty busy lately, and idk where to start. I'll say everything about my week on Saturday xoxo

Snails

Today apart from just staying home being on the computer and working on my story, I went to Jenna's house at 7:30pm and we did loads of stuff like bake cookies which were kinda funny but tasted nice which probably made me gain urrgggggh and we stood on snails and we observed how they crawled. Now I'm really tired so I dont think I can do a long blog but oh well.
I dont really want to go to church and do something for ages with JL and SM realy :/ oh yeah, happy birthday! We were suppose to do something today so she'll probably make us do something tomorrow ugh.
So tired;;
Well SOrry but I'm off to bed! BTW if your awake Jenna solve this: 2+2=?
x

P.S I just thought of this: I hate people who say something them go at the end 'do this blah blah im so cool kgo' ugh so icky.

Dreams...

I keep having the weirdest dreams ever. Today I had one which I would love to explain, but I just cant remember how it goes! It was something to do with this war, and I was picking up sticks to make arrows, my helpers were these mice in this pickle jar, and some other people. Then it kind of changed because I was like this guy and there was this girl he- I mean I liked or something and she helped out in the war and then her father sent a letter wanting her back, and then the girls memories went into my head, and she was thinking about how that guy was so clueless, and she was imagining what it'll be like if he wasnt so clueless and if he would've asked her to marry him but it was too late, so she had to go home and the guy realised that he loved her but it wasnt that sad. Then in my dream I realised that she had a disorder, and all these people I knew had disorders and I was reading it in a book, so on one page it would have a picture of them, their name and then describing their disorder, then it would be the next person. In my dream I realised this was based on a book I had read in real life called the Land of Lollipops or something.... where this girl got sent to this place where it helps mental health though she didnt have a disorder. Of course I shortened my dream.
But it was still weird...

So now I'm seeing on this website what my dream means....
War :To dream of a war, signifies disorder (DISORDER!!! oh its the wrong meaning but still!) and chaos in your waking life You are experiencing some internal conflict or emotional struggle which is tearing you up inside. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are either being overly aggressive or that you are not being assertive (thats me!) enough. Perhaps you need to be prepared to put up a fight in some area of your life (i hate fighting). On a more direct level, the dream may be reflection of current wars around the world and your personal feelings about it.
Arrow: To see an arrow in your dream, represents the targets that you are reaching for and the goals you are setting for yourself. Alternatively, the arrow also signifies an end to suffering and the beginning of new-found pleasures and festivities 
Mice:To see mice in your dream, indicates that you are spending too much time dwelling on minor problems and insignificant matters. To see mice feeding or eating in your dream, suggests that someone is trying to bring down your self-confidence. Someone may be nipping away at your resources.
Jar: To see a jar in your dream, symbolizes the feminine womb. You are seeking protection. The dream may also be a pun on feeling "jarred" or shaken up by something or someone.
Boy: if you are female and dream that you see or are a boy, then it indicates that you are developing the masculine aspects of character. Alternatively, it may represent your feelings about a real-life boy who is important and significant to you. You may have a crush on this boy and your waking thoughts of him has carried over into the dream world. Your motherly instincts may be taking over.
Girl: To see a girl in your dream, represents your playful, innocent, and childlike nature. Perhaps you are behaving immaturely in some situation. Alternatively, a girl represents the feminine qualities of your character.
Disorder (or really Mental Illness): To see a mentally challenged person in your dream, suggests that someone around you is feeling ignored or overlooked. Perhaps you have failed to listen to what they have to say and as a result are alienating them.  

So this dream is telling me that I am not aggressive enough and I might have to be in a fight soon and am experiencing an emotional struggle which is tearing me up, and there maybe an end to my struggles, and apparentally I am dwelling on minor problems too much unless my mice were rats which talks about how I am feeling guilty, I am shaken up by something/one, I am either developing masculine aspects of the character (gulp!) or I have a crush on a real life boy who is significant to me (who?), I am behaving immaturely in some situation and someone around me is feeling ignored or overlooked-SORRY JENNA I PROMISE TO LISTEN MORE-
Whoa. I am messed up.

Please God

I had a really weird dream today. My dream was set in an Aladdin, and there was a bad Aladdin dude, Aladdin, a lot of Aladdin city folk, Jenna who was Jasmine and me who was like her slave friend and we were sitting in a circle. Then Jenna told me to give some food to Aladdin and I had to sneak for some reason around to him. And I had to stay there for some time, until Jafar stopped glaring at us. Then suddenly the background changed into kind of my old house, only more different and white. My mum, other parents and Jafar in a human form was there and me and Jenna felt really weird and in danger so we told my mum that we were going to run away and so we just walked out of the house and Jenna was laughing at me because I was wearing jeans on a hot day (but for some reason the backgroud was grey). Then we went somewhere which I cant remember, like into city and then these guys were cat calling us, and then one of them called out 'Melanie!' and I called out 'Dylan!' and suddenly he turned into this guy from my last year class. Then Jenna and I went to this Diva looking shop and they followed and they were talking about how I hooked up with this guy and the I went really anxious because I was missing my mum, not in a baby way but I really missed her and my throat was swelling up. So we went home and it was happy happy :)

Today school was okay, but bad in english period and lunch because Joo threw a huge fit at me and I hate it when people get angry at me. Call me a people pleaser I know but I just hate it. It was because apparentally I said something offensive to her and yeah but she got over it. Lunch was sooooo boring! Sometimes I wish they would just skip lunch. We just like sat down, doing nothing. Nothing. Period 5 and 6 and after was good though, because we actually had something to do.

Sometimes I wish I could move school. I was seriously thinking about it in Term 2 and 3, but now I've kind of learnt to just take it in. And I often find that my best school years are after the first. I know that I might scream if I'm in the same class as Joo next year, but at the same time I'll miss her. Its her stupid making me clingy to her thing. You get use to her sick and weird behaviour. Its annoying, but I'll miss her.

Please God though, make me in a different class with her so I can start over.
Please.

Just Listen

Today was a mixture of happy and okayish day.
It was a happy day because I had loads of fun and I got Excellence in translation and grammar and merit in comprehension. I wish I had gotten straight Excellences, but I cant regret something thats already done. Then I got a level 5 Proficient which was really good for me because on that day I was having a horrible day. So I was pretty pleased until at lunch people threw leaves and bread at me. Not the greatest thing but you have to get over it.

You know how I was going to do another book review thing? (Placeholder-you'll see why I'm saying this if you've read the book I've just finished reading.) Well today I read Just Listen, who was my inspiration for my blog 'Dont Judge Just Listen' only the character Annabel's quote was:

"Dont think or judge, just listen."

Basically this is about a main character Annabel Greene who has everything, or at least looks like she does. Unable to confine anything to anyone, alone and torn from what happened that night, Annabel only comfort is to tell white lies to the people she love incase they get hurt. Then she meets Owen Armstrong (eeeee! ><), a intense, tall music obsessed guy who likes to tell the truth (Anger Management, R and R) no matter what. I cant tell you what happens because it'll ruin the book but I LOVE this book, it is one of (okay is) my favourite Sarah Dessen books. This book to me isnt an ordinary just cliche book. It's written carefully, meaningfully and always leaves me thinking which sometimes gets me annoyed because I feel so empty inside. If I could live in a book, it would be this one. It has love in it, but it isnt just oridnary love. It has sister love, friendship love and music love. Annabel and Owen share a relationship which I would so want if I had an boyfriend-no wait he is my dream guy. They can connect to each other ("story of my life"), and they are just so... cute together? It's just their ability to relate to each other, and to listen. I really envy that and that's 50% why I like to read this book. It's a time where I can just slip away into someone elses life and feel like I can relate to someone else strongly as that.

That is why I hate and love Sarah Dessen books. They make you so satisfied yet unsatisfied, longing yet unlonging. No matter how screwed up each person's life is, they always have someone close to them. Apart from Dreamland and That Summer.

I
just
cant
help
envy
them.

Thats why I would love to live in a book, or be in a coma. I would love to just for one moment, be able to do not literally nothing, but to able to not care, not have to think so much and smile everytime when I dont want to. It gets tiring. And I know compared to so many other people out there in the world, the starving children out in Asia, the people who have gotten raped, harrassed in any mental or physical way, the people so poor that they have to stay on the streets freezing to death and the unfortunate people who have a disease whether its lung cancer or yellow fever, I am one of the fortunate ones, someone who is plump (too plump) with food, has enough money to live, a family, and a future ahead of me yet it doesnt feel that way. Dont get me wrong, I appreciate my live so much and am so grateful of it, but sometimes I just feel... unsatisfied with my life?
Maybe I'm not doing something right in my life, maybe it's a sign saying that I should help one of the unfortunate to feel satisfied in my life? Once I saw this religious channel where this women, who wasnt the most perfect women living was smiling because she was helping people to have education and a future. She was short, brown curly hair, chubby and yet she was smiling more realistically than I had in a while. So even though I'll still not do anything about this, and go on Facebook or something, I really hope one day I'll go through my blog, get this post, re-read it and think of a reason why I was brought on this Earth.

Because it certainly wasnt so I could moan all day.

Wannabe

Well, because I was reading my super cool friend Jenna's blog, and she said she wanted to see one of my super 'emotional' posts, here I am typing another one away! Although I'm not really in the mood, I'll be nice to my fellow readers e.g. no one.
Today I had my two exams, maths and latin. The latin one was pretty hard but easier towards the end. The translation was screwed up though! So straaaaange... And the maths one was pretty okay but I let my friend Joo copy off me and it made me feel a little...weird?
And oh gosh it was so hot I felt like I was melting away! SOme girls are put their feet in the water. Lucky bitches.
Sometimes I like school, but sometimes I just want to get away from it, you know? I guess its all part of high school experience. But I dot know how much longer I can take it. LIke Joo, though I use to absolutely HATE HER, she's actually pretty sweet now though she has her recipe moments. She can be nice, caring but she can be a total bitch. I guess no body can be perfect and besides, we're getting on really well lately :)

Anyways, so after school I had maths and the teacher was seriously getting peeved off but just today I couldnt care because I was soooo sleepy! Like I was going to go to sleep any second and still want to, though I have latin, tech and socstudies homework :/
Then my sister and I went for a walk and omgosh I just couldnt be stuffed walking and actually 45% was fun, and whenever my sister hit me I was like 'sexual assult! 1,2,3' etc till it was 20 :) So that was a good time. Now I'm watching dramas instead of doing homework... yeah thats bad but I dont really care.

Replying to my friend Jenna's post: I know what you mean and it gets annoying. JL and SM are my friends, whether you think differently and thats okay. They're annoying, kind, nice, weird, but that doesnt change the fact that they are so stubborn and self-absorbed! Especially SM! I mean, get a freaking hint and I really want to swear but I told God I wouldnt! I mean, I feel sorry for mum and myself because I'm such a freaking pushover! Man, If I was an outsider watching myself I would get pissed off at myself. Ugh. So this week I am going home early because truthfully I am just too tired nowdays. I'm getting old.

Someone who isnt annoying me is June, who also I believe used to get the same pedo calling as me, only like me she's use to it. She's someone who I can joke around with, not clingy, I can talk about hot guys with her and serious-ish stuff. She's actually really nice; she's not all about being pretty (okay she is) but I like her. I wouldnt mind being in the same class as her next year.

Now some advice on a few hotties in my friend's lives: your young! Live your life as if you might die each day which i know is clashing with me saying how we're young but you know what I mean. You like lollipops, thats okay thought they never have been my favourite, and you may like jaybirds but i'll support you through all of them-
FUCK YOU JENNY FOR CALLING ME A WANNABE SORRY I HAD TO GET THAT OUT OF MY SYSTEM UGHRJGHADSJGAHGHEGJHGHJGDFJGNDFJKVNJDFHJDFHGJFDHGJDHJKDHVJDHGJAHGAH
So let me explain what happened if your confused. So here I can typing when Jenny goes 'your not doing homework are you? Your on your blog again, no one checks it anyway.'
Me: 'Exactly.'
Jenny: "Stop trying to be a wannabe." !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I hate her. I wish sometimes she would keep things in her head. But you know writing this all down is really keeping out my anger management.
Jenny, if you somehow get on this blog and read this and I know this can be possible because you can read other people's blogs without being online, I would like you to know that there are no hard feelings only that sometimes you peeve me off.
But thats all.

I wish

 I wish money grew on trees,
I wish whenever someone was talking, subtitles would follow their exact words,
I wish the world was as innocent as little children thought,
I wish the white crayon was used as much as the pink,
I wish that not only over-weight people weren't discriminated but also anorexic people,
I wish people wouldnt do plastic surgery, but people also wouldnt judge them for doing it,
I wish the words 'ugly', 'violence' and 'hatred' weren't in dictionaries,
I wish people wouldnt yell out 'ching chong' to asians as they drove past,
I wish the first time someone saw a unique person they wouldnt think negatively,
I wish people didnt have to think over their words incase someone twisted them,
I wish some people didnt have to live in fear in their own homes,
I wish hunger was something they could just take out of their fridges for some countries,
I wish that sometimes I could forget everything for a while and go into a coma,
I wish we could travel into the past and change things,
I wish soulmates and first love really did exist,
I wish no one used the same hands that prayed for violence,
I wish four leaf clovers still worked,
I wish no one had to experience depression and lonliness,
I wish I could be me without being fake,
I wish the ones close to us never ran away from us,
I wish we never had to fall into a pit of nothingness like Alice,
I wish this meant something to others.